ï»żHey whatâs up guys! Kathy Gibbens hereâŠ
Oh my gosh, I have been getting the most fun messages from you guys lately and I just want to share one of them today. This one came from Cassidy on Instagram: âJust so you know, listening to your podcast - and Iâm not even through all the episodes - has already helped me be such a better debater. As Iâve been debating my friends on the recent topic of XXX, it has helped me see their fallacies in their arguments and respond accordingly. Iâm not getting offended by ad hominems but recognize that as wowâŠthey have no good come-back so the are not attacking me, lolâ By the way, I left out the issues sheâs debating because you could fill in the blank for ANY argument or topic that you find yourself in discussion about!
I read this message to my husband and he asked me how it makes me feel. When I hear from you guys that you are listening to the podcast and that itâs helping you to recognize bad thinking and that itâs helping you to think better and form better argumentsâŠoh my gosh, it makes me SO HAPPY! Thatâs exactly what I hoped this podcast would do!
Alright, so today, we are continuing the Manipulation mini-series. We are on Part 4, and Iâm calling this manipulation tactic âFor your own goodâ. The âFor Your Own Goodâ tactic happens when someone tries to influence you to do something under the guise that itâs in your best interest - itâs for your own good. Well, that sounds fine, right? Whatâs wrong with someone wanting to help you? Normally, nothing is wrong with it. You have people in your life now who tell you or try to get you to do certain things simply because they love you and they know that these things are in your best interests. For example, your parents most likely love you and want the best for you, so they have you do things like eat healthy food, shower regularly, brush & floss your teeth and visit the dentist, and do school work. These are all things that may not be so fun to do, but they require them of you because they know theyâll help you in your life and theyâll help you become a healthy adult. Iâm pointing this out to make a contrast. Thatâs not manipulation.
The âFor Your Own Goodâ tactic becomes manipulation when the person using it isn't really doing it for your own goodâŠtheyâre doing it because it will benefit them somehow if you do whatever theyâre trying to get you to do. When someone does this, they have an end result in mind, but their end result is something that helps them, not you; that benefits them, not you; that makes them look good, not you. Theyâre just using you to get this end result or benefit, and they know you likely wouldnât go along with it if they just asked you outright, so they twist it to make it seem like theyâre doing you a favor, when really theyâre doing themselves the favor.
We saw lots of examples of people & organizations using this tactic outright the last few years during the pandemic. Whether it was wearing masks or getting vaccinated or social distancing or whatever, so often the messaging was simply: itâs for your own good.Regardless of where you stand on any of those topics, Iâm sure you heard or noticed that type of messaging, too. Now, since youâve been listening to this podcast, you know that for it to be a valid argument, you have to actually give a good argument, you have to give an explanation or you have to provide real proof. When someone just says to do something because itâs âfor your own goodâ, without addressing concerns or giving real proof or solid research, you have to stop and ask why. Why are they telling you to do this thing? You should never be afraid to ask an honest, âwhyâ.
The difference between your parents telling you to eat your veggies and a person whoâs manipulating you is the motivation behind the request. Your parents are truly wanting the best for you while the other person wants the best for themselves. You see the difference?
Another aspect of this tactic is people who are trying to manipulate you will often feel or say: âIâm doing this to help youâ. This allows them to look like the morally superior person while you are left having to do whatever theyâre telling you to do...whether or not it is ACTUALLY best for you. This is one of the ways theyâre able to justify their behavior in their own mindsâŠthey think theyâre taking the high road or that theyâre such a good person for âhelpingâ you the way they have. Again, you have to look at the motivation behind the person who is making the request.
This is why these manipulation tactics work so wellâŠbecause most of them are very similar to things we do in normal, healthy relationships, so we don't necessarily have our guards up and weâre not always on the lookout for the unhealthy versions of it when it happens to us. And Iâm not saying we need to live our lives just waiting for the next person to be manipulative, but knowing these tactics will help you to recognize when they do happen so you donât have to get sucked into it. Being manipulated doesnât feel good and it can leave you feeling unnecessarily guilty, confused and hurt, and I donât want that for you!
Question to ask yourself: âDoes this person really have my best interest in mind or are they actually using me to benefit themselves?â *repeat*
Join me in the next episode where weâll be talking about the strategic use of repetition and how it can be manipulative if youâre not aware of it.
Remember: When you learn HOW to think, you will no longer fall prey to those who are trying to tell you what THEY want you to think and it all starts with asking one simple question: âIs that really true?â
