Hey what’s up guys! Kathy Gibbens here…welcome back to Part 8 in our Manipulation mini-series! How are you enjoying this little mini-series we’re doing? I hope it’s been helpful!
Ok so today’s new tactic in our Manipulation Mini-series is Confusion. Now, I’m not talking about the confusion you may feel or have felt when sitting through Algebra 2, lol. This is a different sort of confusion. For this episode, the way I’m defining confusion is when a person attempts to confuse you to gain an advantage. It could be through using a vocabulary you’re not used to, speaking faster, or consistently denying something you know to be true (which is also a form of gaslighting).
Have you ever sat there feeling confused, frustrated or running out of patience listening to someone talk and talk? This is a method manipulators use to confuse you into compliance. It is something you may not even know is happening, but once you understand it, you can predict it and even get out of it before it’s too late.
Here’s an example of how this happens to me…when we go to buy a car. I really dislike car shopping & buying and would much rather my husband do it all by himself, but I usually go so I can have input on the style & color that I prefer, lol. Well, inevitably, the car salesman starts talking about car…stuff. Anything to do with the engine, the engineering, the tires, the maintenance, it all starts to sound like blah, blah, blah, and I start to zone out. I get a blank stare on my face, I’m no longer paying attention and all I can think is, “please stop talking”. I can’t wait for him to get to the point and be done talking about this confusing, boring stuff. And when he finally does, it feels like sweet relief. I just want to sign the paperwork and drive away in my new car.
That’s exactly how confusion works to manipulate you.
Interestingly, this technique is sometimes used by people who are hypnotists…it’s one of the methods they may use to get people to do whatever they’re trying to get them to do! They’ll talk quickly or talk a lot about things the person doesn’t really know much about until they’re sort of zoned out mentally from trying to follow along and at the end, they’ll suggest something that’s easy, that makes sense. And it feels so good to the person’s brain to hear something they actually can make sense of, that they WANT to do it, even if it’s clucking like a chicken or something like that. It makes the person WAY more susceptible to whatever suggestion they make.
This is part of what makes the confusion technique work so well is that somebody can confuse you by continuing to talk to you about something that either you have no interest in or they know that you’re not going to be able to follow along very well, so they are going to continue talking and talking and talking, and what your brain is doing is looking for an escape. It’s looking for something it understands. It’s looking for something that makes it feel better.
Here’s another example that totally worked on my husband and I. We were in some big city, I’m honestly not sure which one, maybe Baltimore. We were approached by a person who immediately launched into a story about how their sister was in a hospital and needed help. Well, the story kept going on and on. It got stranger as he talked and he kept going down different rabbit holes, each one crazier than the last one. All I could think was, “oh my gosh, how do we get out of this?” It was almost like we were trapped by this person’s story that seemed like it would never end! Finally, he wrapped it up by asking for some money, which we gave him. And what’s crazy is we were actually happy to give him the money just to make the ordeal end! It was a classic example of someone using Confusion to get us to do something, in this case, give them some money.
Now, does everyone who does this REALIZE they’re being manipulative? No, I don’t think so. There are probably some, but I think most people who do this are doing so b/c subconsciously, they’ve realized it works, but I doubt it’s a conscious decision to be manipulative.
Here’s 2 ways to get out of it:
1. Intentionally Interrupt their cycle. Seriously, you’ll have to interrupt them b/c they won’t take a breath. Ask things like, “Wait, can you repeat that?” or “Wait, go back, didn’t you say that…” or “Hang on, I’m getting confused. Can you go back and explain this a little more?” You have to interrupt the confusion cycle and the verbal vomiting.
2. The second way to get out of it is to catch yourself when you’ve started to stare like a deer in the headlights and take over the conversation yourself. I’m not joking. Sometimes, when someone is doing this, you have to flat-out interrupt them and completely change the topic, or even just excuse yourself. This may sound rude, but I’m telling you, in these situations, the longer you sit there, the more you’ll fall into the spiral of confusion, and that’s not a great place to be.
So, the question to ask yourself when you start to feel yourself glazing over because someone is going on and on or talking in a way that’s really confusing is this: “Is there a point to this or do I need to intervene?”
Alright, join me next time when we’ll be talking about something called Reciprocity, and
Remember: When you learn HOW to think, you will no longer fall prey to those who are trying to tell you what THEY want you to think and it all starts with asking one simple question: “Is that really true?”
