ï»żHey whatâs up Thinkers! Kathy Gibbens hereâŠ
I wanted to start off by sharing a review/comment that someone left on Facebook, this one is from my friend Andrea. She says this: âLove this! If youâre not familiar with Kathy Gibbensâ podcast Filter It Through a Brain Cell, you may enjoy it. She teaches critical thinking skills that the modern day education system got rid of years ago.â Andrea runs Genuine Family Ministries and she actually had me in to speak to her community a few months ago - I totally appreciate what Andrea is doing, itâs such an important work! Thanks Andrea for the shout-out!
Todayâs episode is sponsored by my e-book! Thatâs right, Iâve compiled an e-book of fallacies. One of the questions I get most often is whether I have a printable resource that people can access to help them learn or review the fallacies covered in the podcast. Iâm happy to tell you that now I do! When you purchase the Logical Fallacies e-book, youâll get immediate access to print it off and begin using it right away, and youâll also get all future updates for FREE. Iâll eventually be including all the fallacies that I cover on the podcast, and Iâm not done yet. So, when you buy the e-book, youâll get all the updates as I continue to add fallacies as I continue working through them here on Season 1. Iâve already heard from several families who are printing off the book to use in their homeschool to reference & review the fallacies they learned in the podcast. And Iâll tell you this - I even use the e-book to help ME remember & review! Thereâs a lot of fallacies, and when I come across memes & headlines & bad arguments online, I donât always remember all the names of the fallacies. Well, Iâm easily able to flip through the book and find the fallacy, the definition, a quick example and the question to ask. It helps even me! I donât even have a special page for it on my website yet, Iâm working on it, but Iâll put a link in the show notes where you can go and buy the e-book and have access right away.
Today, I have another Compliance Strategy to share with you, this one is called The Ingratiation Technique. The Ingratiation Technique is when someone tries to present themselves as more friendly and likable to a person or a group of people in order to influence, persuade or get them to do something specific. Before I dive in, let me define the word Ingratiate. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines Ingratiation this way: to gain favor or favorable acceptance by deliberate effort. Now, I know, you may be thinking, whatâs wrong with being friendly and nice to people? Nothing at all! The Bible says in Proverbs 18:24, âa man who has friends must show himself friendly.â And itâs true - nobody wants to be friends with a grumpy, unfriendly person! But simply being friendly isnât a Compliance Technique. Notice the end of my definitionâŠâin order to influence, persuade, or get them to do something specificâ. Ah, thereâs the differentiation. In the Ingratiation Technique, the person is purposely using the acts of kindness in order to get something they want from the other person or the group. Theyâre purposely manipulating in order to benefit.
Now, sometimes itâs a really fine line and itâs most likely really innocent, like when you are the new kid at a new school and youâre trying to get to know people and make friends, maybe youâll smile at people and say hello, or hold the door open for someone, or start a conversation to get to know the person. Yes, youâre purposely being more friendly and likable in order to hopefully make some new friends. Probably pretty innocent.
But Ingratiation isnât always innocent. Think about politicians when they come into a town as part of their election campaign. They sweep in with smiles on their faces, shaking hands, meeting local business owners, holding town hall meetings, trying to get to know and meet the needs of the townspeople. Do they really care about those people? Maybe or maybe notâŠwhat they really want are votes. They want something from those people - votes - so theyâre going above & beyond to Ingratiate themselves to them. In fact, itâs so common that we have a phrase for it: âKissing babiesâ.
Again, I want to emphasize that thereâs nothing wrong with being friendly to other people as a way to show love or to be a friend, but the problem comes when people use friendliness as a tool to manipulate others and to gain favor for selfish purposes.
I just want to give you a few examples of some different things people sometimes do when theyâre trying to Ingratiate themselves to others:
Sometimes, it can take the form of compliments. Someone who gives excessive compliments to another person
Sometimes, it can take the form of excessive interest, deference, or respect in a way thatâs sort of over the top. You may have heard the phrase, âbutter them upâ...thatâs kind of what these last two examples mean. For instance, a student who is trying to win favor with a teacher in hopes of getting a better grade goes over the top in saying good morning to their teacher and offering to help her carry things and offering to erase the board, etc. And, if this sounds a lot like Apple Polishing, good catch - youâre right!âŠyou can go back and listen to that in episode 123.
Sometimes, Ingratiation can look like conformity or trying to fit in. When someone changes how they dress or how they talk or adopts new hobbies to fit in with a group, thatâs a form of Ingratiation in hopes that the group will accept them.
Sometimes, it can take the form of using specific body language. Did you know that even body language can be (notice I said *can be*...itâs not always!) but it can be manipulative? In fact, there are books & people who teach very specific body language techniques for the purpose of winning people over, appearing to be more confident or in control, and to manipulate people to do or feel specific things. Crazy, right?
Question to ask yourself: âIs there an ulterior motive behind their niceness?â Or, if you think you might be guilty of Ingratiation, you can ask yourself, âDo I have an ulterior motive behind my niceness?â *repeat*
Remember: When you learn HOW to think, you will no longer fall prey to those who are trying to tell you what THEY want you to think and it all starts with asking one simple question: âIs that really true?â
